So this weekend was a little emotional and I have had a lot to think about, & I know thats really vague, but just bear with me for now. I usually get to focus on one thing at a time, but I have had so many things on my mind and choices I have to think about making. You see, I am supposed to be joining Air National Guard this year and also preparing to be a visiting student at UClA and doing my cities summer swim team and going to Italy, and going on Family vacations out east, and of course preparing for getting a place out in California for me and my mom to commute to for my acting (and doing that ASAP, the sooner the better) and the closest thing I have to look forward to is graduation in two months, which I am doing a year early for those that don't know that about me.
But what we're thinking is if I should put some of that on hold or maybe not do it at all, in order to focus on my main dream, my most important thing to me, which is getting out to Hollywood and act, audition, network, train, just really making all this happen for me. There are those things which I know I will do in this life no matter what, like travel all over, spend a lot of time in Italy, but when it comes down to it, I need to prioritize and its not surprise of course that is has been and always will be my acting dreams. I can always do the other stuff, and I am going to make it happen. See what I mean by though about having a lot to think about?? I am wondering if Guard would be to much a distraction or maybe look like that to directors, and my mom says I should go out to Hollywood first and see how it goes before doing anything like signing a six year contract with the Guard. Which makes perfect sense to me, its just really hard because I have my heart set on that, but I have to think, what is it my heart really is set on, and always has been and always will? Well I don't have to think twice about that.
Anyway that was a very long explanation of what has been going on in my brain in the past few days, and weeks, and months basically...This weekend, especially after today I just had a really good girls night out/and in with my good friends Brooke and Rika, (Whom I am so thankful for, right now especially.) and we all were on the same page about how there is so much world out there to experience and that we shouldn't let little things bother us and drama that won't matter in a year, let alone a month, or week even. There's so many people we have yet to meet, and share our life with. Were so contained here and we just hold to that promise that there's probably more than we could even imagine out in this world and in our individual lives that were beginning to truly create and live and enjoy out there; you really make your life what it is. I mentioned how it bugs me when people are all down and out and complain with words such as "Ah, I hate my life" or "Life sucks" I just want to take those people and shake em' or something and open there eyes to the possibilities we're given, even just this gift of life is more than we could ever ask for. It makes me truly sad to see people or hear of people who think that way, because for me, there is always more good than bad, you just choose weather to focus on the negative or positive. If you don't like something about yourself, change it. If you don't like the way your living, fix it. It's crazy to think, because its so easy I think we sometimes don't even realize that, and we take it for granted.
I just have to say, that I love life. I love the promise of tomorrow and of knowing I am at least trying for the things I want in this life. I love the mystery of the things I have yet to experience and places I have yet to go and marvel at.
I feel so blessed and I further love the fact that I know I will only grow more towards this idea, and that alone will help me have that extra push and drive to make the things I want to make happen happen.
I am so grateful for how far I have come in this life and that I am just barely seventeen (seriously turned seventeen Thursday) and that just shows to myself I will grow so much more and that I am really a baby in this world and I can make so much happen for me and this is the time to really start planning for that.
I thank my Heavenly Father for this beautiful world and the beautiful and inspiring people in it. My family is everything to me, my mother is the best support system I could ever have and I know I was put in this family for a reason. I know I seem to just be ranting now, but my mind seems to be going 100 miles a minute and I just have so much to say and no form of organization for it all. I just had to vent, not in an angry way but in a "I just love this world and I want to declare it" kind of way :)
Im just sitting here listening to the sound of the rain and wind pound against my warm cozy home, it sounds rough but its almost rhythmic in a way. I love this weather, especially on a relaxing night like this. Im not getting the idea in my head that I should probably go make some Hot Cocoa and cuddle up and watch a movie such as "Only You" or "Under the Tuscan Sun" which I have not yet seen, but it is on the to-do list of movies to watch :) write back soon, and don't worry it wont be a novel ;)
You could always come in my room and watch Under The Tuscan Sun... :D
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